Fuck cancer.

And fuck cancer for messing with my family again.

sigh.

So this is the story—–the rubbings and bloodwork from the bile duct showed a high incidence of abnormal cells indicating cancer.  Today they did an endoscopic ultrasound and looked at everything.  The doctor said he can’t actually tell if the mass is coming from the bile duct or from the pancreas.  He said that a preliminary look at the lymph nodes doesn’t seem to show them being involved (at last some good news).  But we’ll have the results of the biopsy on the ‘mass’ and the lymph nodes tomorrow. Hopefully she’ll come home tomorrow—or very soon.  I imagine that things will happen pretty quickly.

She’ll need surgery.  We’ll go wherever the best surgeon is but right now Charleston, Atlanta and Chicago are possibilities.  All things being equal we’d go with Chicago as some of Judi’s closest friends are there and it would be easier for us to get up there, particularly with Home Base Eileen waiting for us.

I go back and forth, up and down and all around of course…..as does Judi.  Mostly I’m exhausted but I’m so thankful that I’m here.  This is probably the worst possible week of the entire year for me to be away from work.  Literally….worst week.  I loaded a lot of work onto other people and I am really grateful to them for their kindness and absolute graciousness.  I had to be here though and am so very glad that I made that decision. I’ll miss Leo’s birthday party but that’s o.k.  I’ll probably take off on Saturday.  I wish I didn’t have to leave but I really do…and certainly I’ll have to take more time off work down the road so…..

I called my mother and she said my father was getting worse.  This is very hard on her.  As crazy as life can get I always tell myself as long as my boys are o.k. then things are good.  But of course this  is one of her girls….so things aren’t good.  Judi’s not going to be able to handle their bills for the time being so I’ll need to figure that out when I get home.  Of course getting Judi to accept that she might not be able to do things is something of a challenge.  She fully believes she can just power on through everything…..

Her best time of day is around lunchtime—she perks up and is herself.  In fact today she felt so good for awhile that she started bossing me around.  Go ask at the nurse’s station….can you go get this….go ask blah blah blah…..  Cancer will not cure her of being a big sister…..

 

Thank you to all who posted kind words and to all those that didn’t post but sent prayers and thoughts and meditations anyway…..we really need them. 

13 thoughts on “Fuck Cancer

  1. My roommate in college found out 5 weeks ago that he had stage 4 cancer. So, strangely, I started praying for the first time in 20 years. I guess, that it was prayer is, a kind of antidote to feeling so helpless.
    I have been following his “cancer blog” since he lives in Florida (ericplummer.com) in which I have been learning vicariously, much as I do about Alzheimer’s from your blog. It really is priceless sharing that you both do.
    Thank you.
    Anyway, anything I can do, or anytime you need a place for the kids to play…we are here.
    And your sister is now in my prayers.

  2. Cynthia, I’m sorry to hear the news. I know how much more of a challenge you’ve got ahead of you. I’ll be thinking of your family and asking the powers that be for a good outcome.

  3. You are all in our thoughts and prayers. We will be HomeBaseII for you all. Hang in there and let me know what you need…

  4. Your headline says it best. I am so tired of this shit robbing people — and their families and their friends — of their lives. Of course your sister, and everybody she touches is in my prayers (which is what I’m calling it this week), but on a hopeful note, I have been — and continue to be amazed — of the power of so many people’s positive thoughts, even across electronic lines, to effect positive outcomes.

  5. Your headline says it best. I am so tired of this shit robbing people — and their families and their friends — of their lives. Of course your sister, and everybody she touches is in my prayers (which is what I’m calling it this week), but on a hopeful note, I have been — and continue to be amazed — of the power of so many people’s positive thoughts, even across electronic lines, to effect positive outcomes.

  6. Cynthia,
    This news is so distressing. You and your family will be in my daily “evening conversations” with whatever powers are out there. Hang in there. Positive thoughts do work. I know–because it’s 4 1/2 yrs. cancer-free for me now. The thing that gets me is, last night on the news they said that for women, if you drink, your chances of breast cancer increase by 10-30%–depending on how many glasses of wine you drink a week…Shit, you can’t win.
    mel

  7. Cynthia, I just read the news about your sister. I am so sorry. If there is anything at all that I could help you with at this time, just let me know. I’m thinking about you and sending all my love and a very big hug to you.

Thoughts?