Since Judi’s diagnosis and surgery, people have been incredibly kind to her—and to me. Many people have expressed their willingness to help whenever necessary, to keep her in their thoughts, prayers and practices, and to be there as support for her. But then there are the people that just say weird things….
1. "Don’t you feel like you won the unlucky person lottery?"
2. "Aren’t you terrified?" (before going to Emory for surgery)
3. then there was one about hospitals making mistakes but I can’t quite remember it.
I know all these people were trying to be kind…but geesh…..
I remember a man telling my brother, “Sorry to hear about your impending death.”
It’s like that part in Terms of Endearment, when Emma finally says, after lunch, “Tell them It’s OK! I’ts OK to talk about the cancer. People DO get better.” And then at a party later, somebody casually walks up to her, and in the same voice as you’d say “Hey, I heard you bought a house in the Hamptons” she goes, “Patsy tells us you have cancer! We should talk later. I’m a nutritionist and my husband’s with Ticketron.” And Emma spits her hors ‘o’ deurve across the room trying to smother a laugh.
I think they mean well. They just haven’t thought it through, or have never been presented with an opportunity to think it through.
Regardless of what happens to this fictional character, she did have a word of wisdom: People DO get better. I’m sending all the positive belief that this will be the case here in this real life situation.
Parker has a CHD (congenital heart defect) and we found out soon after moving to Illinois when I was very pregnant with him. One of my new neighbors at the time came over to drop off something and looked at my belly and said “Oh, did you loose the baby?” I was still pregnant, but it was my first and winter so I guess I didn’t look very pregnant. I said “No, he is still right here.” I was shocked, what if I HAD lost my baby? The woman was/is a very nice person, but sometimes we say things that don’t come out right. I know I’ve said really stupid things before too. I don’t think we as a society deal well with illness and so many of us don’t know what to do.