The NIU shootings keep floating behind other thoughts in my mind.  The gunman from Champaign, the guns bought here in Champaign and now so many are dead, injured and frightened.  Is this what aging is?  Realizing your vulnerability more and more, whether it is your health, your happiness or your safety?  Maybe so.

Couldn’t sleep last night and don’t know why.  I wasn’t consciously stewing over anything although God knows I do not hold myself responsible for my unconscious!  Finally got up at 3:00 a.m. and watched a combination of CNN and cooking shows for an hour or so….went back to bed and dozed fitfully.  Finally slept more heavily after everyone else got up but I hate the feeling of starting the day late….

I guess I have been just the teensiest bit on edge.  Last night after Ernie got off the phone and said that Fed Ex couldn’t deliver the package until today because they had brought it to the wrong house I got BACK on the phone to call Fed Ex and tell them that THAT WAS NOT O.K.  THEY ARE FED EX FOR GOD’S SAKE AND OUR ADDRESS HAS NOT CHANGED AND WE HAVE NOT MOVED AS IT SAID ON THE TRACKING AND I NEEDED THAT PACKAGE TODAY. Those of you that know me know that I normally avoid the phone like the proverbial plague so this action was just…..shall we say a little bit over the edge?  It was the frigging Lego airport though and although Owen seemed to be bearing up relatively well under the disappointment…I was NOT.

Ahhhh well. The airport is here and I swear I’m calm and relaxed today.  Owen just came over and asked me to play a KaneWelchKaplin song for him.  Good boy.  Came across this and it brought back such memories. Ernie commented that this Kevin Welch song really helped him get through some tough times.

Do I have plans for today? mmmmm, I don’t know.  I’ve spent the last hour playing music on my beloved laptop and listening to all three guys work on the Lego airpot.  I try to ignore much of it although I did hear Leo just bellow "Quit your fancy burping."  hmmmm.  Should do my income tax but don’t really feel like it. Tomorrow will be busy with regular Sunday stuff….Dad to church and shopping, etc.  Ernie and Leo will go over to their house while I’m at church to take care of a few things… the evening we have Hayley coming over to babysit and we’re going to see Wayne Hancock at the Rosebowl in Urbana of all places…..  Rain, ice and snow are supposed to be coming….

Ernie and I are both restless but finally we admitted to each other that we are missing our YARD.  It’s too early to go out and look for things coming up. Nothing else seems to appeal…. At this time of year I realize how much our garden does for us emotionally.  I NEED it.  So I’m off to look at garden catalogues online…I think it will help…..