1. Thank you so much for all the kind, thoughtful messages—both here on the blog and via email. They truly do help. I was hoping to respond to all of them personally but I’m not so hot on the follow through at the moment so please just know how much they mean to us. Ernie’s at the point now where he finds them comforting too.
2. In some of our talks last night Ernie said he doesn’t want to be an object of pity. On the contrary, I think he is a man worthy of admiration for many different reasons…..only one of which is how he is coping with this. Of course I’m in love with him so perhaps I’m biased….
3. Leo is very worried. Last night he begged to watch some Gilmore Girls and when we did he talked NONSTOP through them….although as Ernie pointed out he mostly talked to me….he wouldn’t look at Ernie. When it was time for bed I suggested that Daddy put him to bed so they could talk a bit. Leo paused and thought and then said that was a good idea. They talked about it for awhile and Leo seemed a bit comforted but he showed up in our room to sleep with us again last night. I can’t begin to tell you how unlike him that is. He’s also extremely concerned as to how long we’ll be gone today for our appointment—despite the fact that his beloved Ricky will be watching them. It makes me hurt for him.
4. Hard to know about Owen—Owen is more of a worrier about people by nature but I don’t know if the word ‘cancer’ means as much to him at age six as it does to Leo at age eight. Last night Owen fell asleep around 5:00 p.m. so Ernie just carried him up to bed and he slept through the night. Woke up cheerful this morning (sickening cheerful actually) and went off to school happily. I think what will happen to Owen is that he will feel the burden of trying to make everyone happy. The other day he found me with tears on my face and he smiled big and said, "you’re just crying because you’re so happy, right Mommy?" I told him he was so wonderful that he did make me cry with happiness.
5. It will be good to have our appointment over this afternoon and know what our plan is.
6. My eyes aren’t quite as puffy today so that’s good. I got lots of piddly stuff done at work yesterday but today I need to actually accomplish some things that take thought and writing skills so wish me luck!