Hitting the wall…

I hit a wall today.  I just smashed into it and couldn’t go any further.

The trip to South Carolina was great.  It’s a long drive and it would have helped not to have a cold but it was great to see Judi.  She looks fantastic and is feeling stronger.  This is her last round of chemo—then we really get to celebrate!  I put together (with the help of the inimitable Gina of course) a little spread of cakes and sweets for everyone in Judi’s department that has helped her.  It was great to meet people and put faces together with some of the names I know.

Took off yesterday morning around 6:00 our time and made it home by 5:30.  If it hadn’t been for Atlanta traffic I would have made it earlier.  It was a relatively painless drive…nice weather…but by the last hour or two I was tired of every tape I had in the van and every radio station known to man.

I can’t begin to tell you how good it was to see my guys.  I missed them more than I ever have in my life.

So this morning I woke up…rather tired but got into work at 8:00.  I was talking to my boss and getting ready for a 9:00 meeting when the phone rang and it was Ernie…crying in pain.

Yup.

I went home and got him into the emergency room.  Since his prostatectomy he has had a slight hernia above his belly button, over the top of his scar.  It’s never been horrible…it hurts a bit, he lays down, etc.  He’d talked to his doctor about it and he had said there wasn’t really anything to do until it got worse.  Well, it got worse in a hurry today.  It was so horrible seeing him in such incredible pain.  They managed to get it back in and after a seemingly endless hour or two of watching Ernie gasp and shudder from the painful spasms it calmed down. So we have a surgery consult next Tuesday.  Yup.  Just what we need.

Our friend Matt was wonderful and picked up the boys and fed them lunch because oh yes, it was early dismissal day on top of everything else.  Geesh.  He told me that anytime I call him on the phone and ask him to do something while crying…he will do it.  Good man!

So we got home and both just sat in the living room.  Totally exhausted.

I called my mother and told her I just didn’t know if I could get her to the hospital today.  She cried. 

You know….I had enough time to go get her…but I just had hit a wall.  I can’t even explain it.  I just couldn’t handle one more thing.  I left a tearful message on my friend Ann’s answering machine and she and her husband came through as they always do for us.  Bob brought my mother over to the hospital.  I feel sort of guilty now but I tell you….I just couldn’t handle it today. I just hit a wall.

We have a call in to the admissions person at the nursing home.  My mother is having a hard time.  They said he should be able to be released in a day or two.  They also called and said he was agitated and had given him something to calm him down.  I knew it would be like that.  I knew it.