1. In a slightly ironic twist I am posting one of my favorite Kevin Welch/Dead Reckoning/Kane Welch Kaplin videos. Oh yeah, the ironic part is that it is called I Feel Fine Today (thanks to Lucas for putting some of these Dead Reckong videos up on youtube!). This song always DOES make me feel fine however.  It’s a song that Ernie and I both turn to to lift us up and the video brings back the dare I say….halcyon early days of Dead Reckoning.  I love those guys….

2. More realistically I feel so-so today and that’s actually pretty damn good considering. Yesterday I decided to do something about myself and I made an appointment to see somebody at the UIUC Faculty Staff Assistance Center.  I saw someone there a couple times when my old job was trying to suck my soul out and found it helpful.  Yesterday somebody sent me a really kind email and it made me cry so much that I thought…you know, maybe I am just NOT o.k.  I keep saying I’m o.k. but you know…..maybe not….  So I did that and then called a friend whom I hardly ever talk to but I have known for a million years and she’s always there for me, particularly in a time of need.  So I am having lunch with her tomorrow and I see a counselor today.

3. A bird in a cage…

That’s how my Dad said he felt when Sarah, his homecare worker, asked him to please stay in the yard after hunting him down blocks away from home.  He said he was going to church.  Granted is was the middle of the day on Wednesday and he was going in wrong direction but he was going to church.  We were surprised how far he got….I mean the man walks at the pace of a snail but you know how it is….slow and steady wins the race.

Now going back to irony…or things that are just damn funny…..my mother did seem to think the good thing about this incident is that he wasn’t really wandering…he was going to church.  That’s right—-see even though there was no mass at that time and he was going in the wrong direction he HAD a destination so he wasn’t really wandering….  Do you see where I got my talent for denial???

4. More struggles with Owen yesterday and this morning.  This is where I start second guessing myself…is it just regular old developmental stuff or is he feeling the stress of what’s going on in the household and worrying about his father?  The fucking hormones are kicking in with Ernie and we all know what hormones can do to us….  We’ll get used to it.

5.  Owen insisted on going to Ernie’s doctor’s appointment with him yesterday even though Ernie had arranged for him to go to a friend’s house.  I believe things were a tad bit ugly but Owen went and set out to charm the doctor’s entire office. I think his father just stared at him in amazement and wanted to do something heinous to him.  Both boys, when they know they have really gone to far, get really chatty,  happy and charming afterwards.  So Owen apologized, then he admired the color of the nurse’s uniform, he chatted to the doctor and asked him questions,  he explained to the woman making the next appointment that his Dad played ball with him the day before, etc., etc. And all this time remember he was wearing this outfit. I think it was one of those ‘what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger’ days for Ernie. My sweet peas.