We went over to have pizza with my mother tonight.  I sat with her in the living room while she cried.  She and Ernie visited my father today and there he sat slumped in a wheelchair with all the other residents.  She started talking about getting their homecare person in five days a week and bringing him back home.  I think she knows she can’t but she just cries. 

I gotta say that at the end of the day sitting while your wheelchair bound mother cries to you "I love him so much, I want him home.  I can’t believe I put him in that horrible place. I should have taken better care of him" is not the easiest thing to do. I don’t blame her a bit…..I understand her pain. This is far more painful than I expected. I knew it would be hard but I have to admit that I didn’t think it would be this hard.

Anyway, after dinner Ernie and Owen went to the Urbana Library to see Sarah Lee Guthrie and Johnny Irion.  Yesterday I told Owen we might go to a concert and he let out a big sigh and said, "FINALLY!"  Leo and I came home though.  He did his homework and is now working on a house in the Lego Digital Designer.

Me, I’m just sitting here looking at my filthy house wondering where on earth I would find the energy to do something productive and wondering when I’ll get rid of this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Maybe I’ll write something cheerful tomorrow.