I was not in the mood to go to the Cancer Center yesterday.  What a stupid thing to say….who in their right mind EVER wants to go to a Cancer Center?  Because, as lovely as the people are, as big as the windows are, as good as the magazine selection sometimes is….it’s the club nobody wants to join. Sometimes though there’s a certain rhythm to the monthly infusions and our routine that feels comforting. We pick a chair near the windows, Ernie puts at least one puzzle piece in one of the jigsaw puzzles in honor of our friend Karen Darr….I go and make him a cup of tea and get myself some ice water….I check out the magazines and grab a few and a nurse comes over to get the IV going and we all marvel at the fact that a month has passed already.

For whatever reason we just didn’t want to be there yesterday.  We just sat quietly and didn’t really talk.

He took me out for a drink at Fries and Peanuts and it was nice but then it seemed too loud to me.  So we went home and had a battle with a certain son that I just wasn’t in the mood for either and it all made me sad.

I felt hostile towards everybody.  I watched American Idol and it just made me more hostile. Although Steven Tyler did come out with a line I liked—something to the effect of "the only thing that gives experience a run for its money is a 16 year old.”

Owen worked on his book on cheetahs for school.  Leo had to do this in fourth grade also.  He chose sea turtles.  Sea turtles and cheetahs.  There’s a contrast…perfect metaphor for my guys in some ways.

Owen printed out some pictures and glued them into his book but then he started really enjoying drawing the illustrations himself.  On the page where it says something like “Female cheetahs are territorial” he drew a picture of a cheetah sitting there…and at the edge of the page you can see another cheetah just extending one paw onto the page….and in the thought bubble of the main cheetah it says, “don’t even THINK about it.”

Man I love those boys. They get me through.

And we saw a peregrine falcon sitting on the traffic light pole right outside the chemo room.  That was nice.

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