I got so upset about yesterday's contentiousness with a neighbor that I just felt sick all day. I have a hard time coming down from that kind of thing. This is something that Ernie and Owen don't understand at all….they blow up, and then after there is some kind of conclusion they are over it (pretty much). I'm not like that….I turn things over and over and over in my mind. It leads to older upsets coming to the fore and I end up feeling like I'm fragile and I hate that because I'm not.
I just couldn't handle being social so I did just curl up on my bed and watch the fireworks from there. After awhile Owen came up and curled up with me and we just laid there and talked for a long time. After a bit he went down to finish watching the Blues Brothers with Ernie and Leo. It's my favorite movie for when I'm stressed out so eventually I went down and watched until I got too tired.
I reminded Owen that one time we'd had a bad Thanksgiving and that the next year it was much better and that next year's Fourth of July would be much better than this one. He said, "oh yeah, when we went for a drive and then you cancelled Thanksgiving and I thought you were going to throw out the turkey and I cried on the stairs?" "Yep," I said, "that one" and we both smiled and hugged each other hard.
The boys weren't the only bright spot though. Not long after I published my last post there was a knock at the door and Owen opened it to find our beloved Matt Starks standing there with the most gorgeous vase of summer flowers you've ever seen that his wife Beth had put together. They wanted to cheer me up. He told me I was loved. So of course I cried some more. Those flowers felt like cold water running on a burn….I just can't tell you how incredibly healing they were. Ernie found them the most cat free spot on the mantel and then he stood there quietly looking at them before pulling out his phone to take pictures of them. And the way he stood there silently doing that….well it said more about how much they meant than any words ever could.
I love you Matt and Beth. That was extraordinary.