I couldn't go to the Cancer Center today with Ernie. And that really is fine…he always says I don't need to go. I always blithely ignore him however because I know he likes me there. My theory, and I've said it before and I'll say it again, is that no matter how easy your treatment might be…I don't think anyone should go to the Cancer Center alone. It doesn't matter that how lovely the staff is, how good the magazine selection is….you just ought to have someone that adores you sitting there with you. I know that's not possible for a lot of people but I count us lucky that generally it is.
I had one of those days at work however that just kind of blew up and I'd forgotten about a meeting and things were just generally crazy so around noon I texted him and told him there was no way in hell I could go with him. Of course he said it was fine but mid-afternoon I just wanted to cry. I just get weepy at the thought of him there without me even though I know it's o.k.
All afternoon, even when I was fighting University financial systems and emailing apologies for craziness to people and trying to juggle all I need to do in my head….I just wanted to cry.
When he picked me up from work he drove me home and I told him I'd missed him. He told me he'd missed me too.
But I'm home now with all my guys and everything is o.k.
Cynthia, your emotions today sound so much like my emotions today. There are days when I’m really okay with not being able to be everywhere and be all of the people I need to be to the people I love. Then there are days when I fail and just want to cry because the love I feel for them and the disappointment I feel in myself are just so huge. Full moon in a day or two.
On days like this, I halfway expect you two to stop at “Fries and Peanuts” on the way home. Love that name, and it’s funny, it’s long distance and all electronic, but I feel genuine interest and affection for you and yours.
Love you Cynthia, I really, really do! And I understand those feelings your talking about and find myself in that position more than I care to admit. Thank you for being so open with yourself, your life, your family and sharing it with the rest of us. You know those of us out here reading your blog feel very vested in your family with a true connection…what a gift you give to us…thanks sweetie and hope your Thursday is nothing short of awesome. And you get to see Rod Picott, Van DeLisle and Ian Hunter this weekend!!