Feeling OK

I just devoured Tama Janowitz' memoir. As soon as I finished it I went online, wanting to see if I could find more about her life since the memoir ended, a few years ago. I was startled to see so many negative reviews…they rather took me aback. I think the book partially spoke to me because it was structured around her experience caring for her mother in nursing homes, and dealing with her dementia. Of course maybe it spoke to me because she's not that much older than I am, and as obviously different that our lives are, there's some kind of similarity. I can't articulate it. Hell, I don't know if I've even read anything of her since Slaves of New York, hadn't thought of her in a long time, but when I saw she'd written a memoir I knew I wanted to read it. Maybe it's just coming of age in the same time, as different as our live were or are…whatever. I enjoyed it. Some of it was painful, bringing back times dealing with nursing homes and dementia and bills and insurance. It makes me flinch a bit but I can read it more easily than I could have a few years ago.

It was funny, the other night at the John Hiatt show I thought about Judi, but it was ok. For a few years after she died I couldn't listen to John Hiatt. She loved John Hiatt and after she found out she was dying, she saw he was playing in Greenville. She called and asked me if she should get the more expensive tickets. I rolled my eyes and said, "Of COURSE you should get the more expensive tickets Judi." The other night, when he sang one of the songs that reminds me of her, I was able to think of her, and be amused at her frugality, even facing death, and not cry, but smile inside instead.

I'm sitting here right now, all ALONE in the house. I can't begin to tell you how rare that is. Ernie and Leo are at the model train show (I know…sniff, sniff) and Owen is off at band practice. Two of the cats are asleep on heater vents and the third is  asleep on a pile of clean laundry. Ernie fixed me a wonderful plate of ham and eggs for breakfast, and I've been reading ever since. That's all I've done….is read. Heaven. Oh, and Rascal greeted me on the stairs this morning….always a good sign for the day. 

I have nothing planned for the rest of the day. Lots of things I should do, mind you, but nothing planned. I suppose I should give in and do my taxes. Ugh. At least it will make me feel like I accomplished something. Tonight Owen is making dinner for us. I'm hoping for a fire in the fireplace. It was a tough week in some ways, but I'm feeling ok. 

Onward. IMG_8410

Some morning my breakfast is on a blue willow plate, but I'm always happiest when it's the Flow Blue plate.

IMG_8410

2 thoughts on “Feeling OK

  1. This post cheers me, Cynthia. You are so good at describing moments, and the lingering moment I hear from you here is some hard-won peace. I am so glad for you. I am so glad for me to get to hear your “voice” is posts like this.

Thoughts?

Feeling OK

I just devoured Tama Janowitz' memoir. As soon as I finished it I went online, wanting to see if I could find more about her life since the memoir ended, a few years ago. I was startled to see so many negative reviews…they rather took me aback. I think the book partially spoke to me because it was structured around her experience caring for her mother in nursing homes, and dealing with her dementia. Of course maybe it spoke to me because she's not that much older than I am, and as obviously different that our lives are, there's some kind of similarity. I can't articulate it. Hell, I don't know if I've even read anything of her since Slaves of New York, hadn't thought of her in a long time, but when I saw she'd written a memoir I knew I wanted to read it. Maybe it's just coming of age in the same time, as different as our live were or are…whatever. I enjoyed it. Some of it was painful, bringing back times dealing with nursing homes and dementia and bills and insurance. It makes me flinch a bit but I can read it more easily than I could have a few years ago.

It was funny, the other night at the John Hiatt show I thought about Judi, but it was ok. For a few years after she died I couldn't listen to John Hiatt. She loved John Hiatt and after she found out she was dying, she saw he was playing in Greenville. She called and asked me if she should get the more expensive tickets. I rolled my eyes and said, "Of COURSE you should get the more expensive tickets Judi." The other night, when he sang one of the songs that reminds me of her, I was able to think of her, and be amused at her frugality, even facing death, and not cry, but smile inside instead.

I'm sitting here right now, all ALONE in the house. I can't begin to tell you how rare that is. Ernie and Leo are at the model train show (I know…sniff, sniff) and Owen is off at band practice. Two of the cats are asleep on heater vents and the third is  asleep on a pile of clean laundry. Ernie fixed me a wonderful plate of ham and eggs for breakfast, and I've been reading ever since. That's all I've done….is read. Heaven. Oh, and Rascal greeted me on the stairs this morning….always a good sign for the day. 

I have nothing planned for the rest of the day. Lots of things I should do, mind you, but nothing planned. I suppose I should give in and do my taxes. Ugh. At least it will make me feel like I accomplished something. Tonight Owen is making dinner for us. I'm hoping for a fire in the fireplace. It was a tough week in some ways, but I'm feeling ok. 

Onward. IMG_8410

Some morning my breakfast is on a blue willow plate, but I'm always happiest when it's the Flow Blue plate.

IMG_8410

2 thoughts on “Feeling OK

  1. This post cheers me, Cynthia. You are so good at describing moments, and the lingering moment I hear from you here is some hard-won peace. I am so glad for you. I am so glad for me to get to hear your “voice” is posts like this.

Thoughts?

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