A long and rather difficult week. I headed back to work but found it very hard to focus…I would find myself just staring at the computer. Managed the first three days, but yesterday mid morning I got extremely dizzy. I even went and found a spot to lay down for 20-30 minutes but it didn't help so I finally gave in and went home. Very disappointing. Today I got up and dressed but, even after medication, was too dizzy. I've been reading some about the various types of vestibular problems. It makes me feel a bit better to know I'm not crazy. The symptoms and the way I react are normally abnormal as it were. It's not vertigo as though the room is spinning around me, it's more like the inside of my head is spinning instead. And what I've been reading is that it is indeed computer work and focusing on things like that that is the hardest. That's why I can manage ok when I'm talking to someone, I can go out and do ok. However I can't remember any of the books I've read of late…I kind of fly through them but nothing stays with me, and I mostly just scroll through news and fluff on the computer. I've watched more tv in the last month than I have in years. Normally I can watch tv for a while, but then I get tv'd out and will go back to a book. Not lately. I feel super unsteady but it's not as though I fall over and can't walk. It's such a strange and demoralizing experience. I am extremely hopeful that the treatment next Friday will help, whether it's a one time thing or not. In the meantime, I wait. The last two days have been much worse, but I imagine it is exacerbated by stress (what isn't?). Knowing that doesn't fix it though…it's like people telling me garter snakes are harmless….
Yes, I am complaining, sorry. Normally I try to focus on positives, as I have figured out that's what gets you through life, but sometimes I give in. I do send my love and thanks to everyone that has been brought food when I'm at my wit's end, or done other kindnesses. I may be complaining but I am incredibly grateful for my friends and loved ones.
Nice to have the coneflowers coming along…