Man, my anxiety levels shot through the roof yesterday. Owen had a fall on his newly purchased scooter and banged himself up. Somehow, as I bandaged him up I had an implosion of sorts in which every single thing I am worried about attacked me at that very moment. Bloody kid, husband with cancer, money, our country, our president, my life.


He's ok though.

I'm ok though.

Scooter is ok though.

Good God.

Today I woke up and thought, "I'm not in the mood for….today."

We finally got approval for the oral form of Ernie's chemo so that is a relief. Hopefully, the side effects won't be worse than what he has right now. He's doing pretty well apart from fatigue. Well, and the damned neuropathy, but that's why we're switching chemo, so crossed fingers, as always.

Of course, after I wrote that I found out that yes, Health Alliance approved the oral chemo BUT there's a $2,600 monthly copay.


The doctor's office said they will try to find a way to help, either with grants or by going to the manufacturer.

I don't know.

I just don't fucking know. 

About anything.

I will try to channel Bob.


Owen on his new scooter.



2 thoughts on “Not in the mood for today

  1. Cynthia,
    Sorry you’re dealing with so much hard stuff. Our health care system and the unaffordable costs are additional stress that nobody needs when battling illness or disability. I hope someday we will only have to worry about our people getting better, not affording the medicine and treatment they need. It’s not easy to keep going in times like these!

  2. One of the chemo drugs my Dad had to take when he was being treated for non-hodgekins lymphoma was an oral drug that cost thousands of dollars, not covered of course, by his insurance. A family friend who was a pharmacist called the drug company that manufactured it and got him enrolled in a program where the drug company gave him a grant to pay for it. Keep after Ernie’s doctor’s office to work with the drug company to fund this. The whole situation stinks!!