The Day After and All I Wanted

All I wanted. Remember that song? “All I wanted was a Pepsi and she wouldn’t give it to me.” Suicidal Tendencies, right?

All I wanted yesterday was to relax, watch a Hallmark movie, buy our Christmas tree and eat some leftovers.

The day after.

Last year the day after Christmas was when Ernie got bad test results. This year, the day after New Year’s Day was when he started having the problems that led to the hospital, radiation and chemo. Yesterday, the day after Thanksgiving, he ended up spending hours in the ER.

Alone.

You know how much I hate spending hours in the ER. You know what’s worse? NOT spending hours in the ER while your loved one is there.

He was having increasing pain yesterday. He finally called the oncologist’s office and left a message. We didn’t hear back (ever, which I’m not thrilled about) and I told him he was the one that had to call it but that I thought we should go to the emergency room. He finally agreed and off we went. I knew I probably wouldn’t be allowed in with him but he wasn’t up to driving and I couldn’t just drop him off. So we parked and walked up. They, of course, told me very kindly that I couldn’t go in with him. I hugged him and mask nuzzled him and off he went. I found my mask very useful as I walked back the block and a half to the car as it allowed me to ugly cry without it being as obvious as it might be otherwise.

I came home. I got teary. Owen and Trinity were kind to me. They had been going to head back to her place but they stayed here for the night which I really appreciated. They ran and did shopping for us. Leo got home from work and we told him what was going on.

Ernie and I texted back and forth but eventually his phone was getting low. I gotta get that man a new phone. I’d actually been smart enough to put a phone charger in my purse when we left but not smart enough to pass it on to him.

I tried to watch tv. I can’t do Hallmark without him. I tried some other Christmas movie but it was too wretched to watch. I tried watching a few episodes of Industry which I kinda want to like even though I have a hard time following it. The episode I was watching had a lot of graphic sex in it, which given my mood I found rather irritating. I finally switched over to a Gilmore Girls marathon which reminded me that although I loved that show, the later episodes were kinda questionable sometime.

Finally, at long last, Ernie wrote and said he was done. Leo zipped down and got him and brought him home. He was exhausted and angry at his body but grateful to be home. He’s got a catheter which he fucking hates but hopefully he will get it removed within the week. I got him some leftovers to eat and before long we collapsed into bed. He was utterly exhausted and slept hard. So hard that he snored like crazy which he doesn’t usually do. I actually did a recording of it in the middle of the night just to prove it to him. He has forbidden me to post it here. He actually slept past six this morning, which is unheard of.

Just now, Ernie and I found ourselves flummoxed by emptying his catheter. Owen looked at it and said, “Oh, you just do this” and is now assisting his father. This is why one has children.

Good God, I love those boys.

No tree shopping today as we had planned. If we end up with a short tree, so be it. He’s got a Christmas movie picked out for us. It will be a quiet day.

Onward.