It’s been a week and a half. Ok, that makes no sense except in my head. Let’s just say it’s been a hell of a week. Not bad, not good, just a contrary mixture of the two.

Ernie and I were both cranky and cross about life in general and we were anxious about our consult in St. Louis. The night before we ordered our comfort foods from Peking Garden. Poor Ernie’s order was wrong but he got extra potstickers. For me? Sizzling rice soup and an egg roll. No, I shouldn’t have the egg rolls but hell, sometimes you just want a damn egg roll. I adore their sizzling rice soup. Later, Owen and Trinity stopped by after she got off work and hung out a bit, as did Leo. I could not love them more. They do buoy us up. I went up to bed and tried to read but mostly just watched my lights kindly twinkling at me.

We set off in the morning and had an uneventful drive down. We got there super early because I said, “I KNOW it will probably be fine…but remember the time we missed the ferry to Beaver Island because a cocoa truck had an accident, spread cocoa all over the highway and we sat in traffic for over an hour?”

There was no cocoa to slow us down so we arrived early. We checked out where we had to go and then went and got something to eat at the strip mall next to it. It turned out to be a chicken salad restaurant. Who knew there were chicken salad restaurants? I pulled a Leo and ended up getting a family container of curried chicken salad. We went in and I was frazzled and got confused by the menu and the ordering so I just grabbed my chicken salad from the case and handed it to Ernie. I should have noticed how heavy it was. Oh well. When Leo was a toddler and we were moving him into a twin bed we went to Target and I told him he could get ANY sheets he wanted. Thomas the Tank Engine sheets, Bob the Builder sheets…anything. He stood there in the sheet aisle, looked around, and grabbed a package of light brown sheets. I kept saying, “Are you SURE that’s what you want? Look at these, and these.” He just stood there clutching his brown sheets and shaking his head. That’s kinda what I did with the chicken salad. I must say it was good even though I ended up throwing most of it away. No discernable garlic or onion FTW!!

We headed over to our appointment. Ernie filled out paperwork and got his picture taken. We waited a bit and then headed back. As we waited for the doctor I told him I thought his new mask still made him look a bit like Dancing Bear so he did a twirl for me. Fortunately, he had just sat down again when the doctor came in.

We liked the doctor. He’s young and was wearing jeans and chunky brown boots with his lab coat. When he introduced himself he pulled his mask down for a second, saying, ‘this is what I look like.”

We went through Ernie’s history and geez I felt unprepared. Can I remember what his PSA was when his cancer was first diagnosed in 2004? Hell, no and digital records don’t go that far back. We then talked mostly about clinical trials, so decisions will have to be made. It was all a bit overwhelming and I wish I had recorded it…or brought one of our boys with their steel-trap minds. He wants to biopsy Ernie’s tumor to see if his cancer has mutated. We’ll also have an online consult with their radiation oncologist to see if radiation is an option. It seems increasingly unlikely to me. Ernie got a bunch of bloodwork done and we were out of there albeit completely emotionally exhausted. We had toyed with the idea of staying over but turned out I had a 9:00 am meeting so we headed home.

It felt good to be driving on the highway in the dark.

This video won’t load and won’t let me delete it. There’s some kind of life lesson there no doubt.

We made pretty good time and stopped at Schnuck’s for frozen pizza and wine when got into Champaign. We tumbled into the house, talked to Leo and collapsed. We sipped some wine and watched Olympic skating as we ate our pizza.


2 thoughts on “Reporting in: I actually left the house

  1. And then you made Leo brownies…to continue the brown theme! You are such a good mother!!! Always have been!!!!!!!!