Even the blue sky is irritating me today.

Yesterday was not great and today’s not starting off so wonderfully, either. Remember the lobster mug debacle? Well, today our beloved mug by our friend Ben got broken. We were incredibly sad and are trying not to see it as the harbinger of doom that it feels like.

Ok. So. Yesterday we drove to St. Louis for a scan. We should have been able to do it here but between insurance and last-minute scheduling, it was not to be. Off we went. The roads were fine although we saw remnants of the accidents that closed off 57 just south of here the night before. We were supposed to arrive by 1:50 and we got there about 1:20. He was done by 1:47. I kid you not. Have NEVER had something go that quickly at Carle. Not that I’m knocking Carle, it was just somewhat shocking.

I tried to convince Ernie we should get a hotel and stay overnight. Maybe have some fun. He did not agree. Unpleasantness ensued. It was a very quiet drive home. I read most of a truly awful book online. We got home a few minutes before 5 pm. Ernie missed a call (side note: I must admit I ignored the phone call that said BJ MOB…turns out that stands for Barnes Jewish Medical Office Building. I’m a slow learner.) so he called right back. They are scheduling him for the biopsy on Monday (oh, Christ…another day off work) which is great and all but she hadn’t been able to confirm with the doctor so she said she’d call us between 7 and 7:30 Monday morning to let us know. We have to be there by 10:00 am.

If you are familiar with Illinois geography you will realize that means we have to leave for St. Louis before we know if we need to go to St. Louis. The location we go to is west of the city so it takes us a good three hours to get there which means we’d have to leave by 6:30 at the latest.


On Tuesday we have the radiation phone consult that got pushed back from last week. On Wednesday we have a follow-up with Pachynski scheduled. I believe that’s supposed to be post-biopsy—would they have the results that soon? And it says it’s a 15-minute appointment. I can’t take another day off. I guess we’ll see if we can change that to a phone meeting. Or I could ask Leo to take the day off and go with him. It’s too hard to be alone at appointments….too much information even with another person there. Owen just started a new job so I wouldn’t ask him right now.

Cancer. It’s a full-time fucking job.

Now I get to work all day today and tomorrow to make up for Friday and Monday.

Oh, and it was my sister Judi’s birthday yesterday. Gone since 2009 but damn I have been missing her of late.

I warned you this was a whiny post.

Onward. Onward, because there’s no other way to go.

5 thoughts on “Whiny post

  1. Oh Cynthia 😱 your plate is beyond full🙏🙏🙏. You are such a trooper. Hugs to you and Ernie 💕

  2. Oh, Cynthia, I’ve been meaning to send you a message for– I’m embarrassed to say– several years. I read every one of your posts and often read them out loud to Laura. She abhors social media and won’t sign up for anything. And yet I find your posts uplifting, inspiring even. Having the two boys the same age, seeing how you express your love for them even as they challenge you. The relationship you have with Ernie. It all reminds of me of what’s truly important when I get upset over what are trivial things. We are muddling through taking care of Rosie with all her needs and our new addition is Laura’s dad, who’s health greatly deteriorated this past year. We sold his house, his car, and moved him in with us. We don’t know how long he has but fortunate to have him here and not isolated in a care facility. Anyway, I think a lot about you and Ernie. Wish we could grab a beer at Huber’s and talk about when our boys were a little. It’s a fantasy, but then again, who knows. Take good care.