Friday. And yet again we’ve had a hell of a week. Ernie more so than me. This is long, so buckle up.
I’m losing track of time. On Wednesday Ernie spent a bunch of time on the phone dealing with insurance. Our insurance has denied his upcoming chemo. They said they wouldn’t approve it as it wasn’t treatment for prostate cancer. Well, it’s not because it’s for BLADDER CANCER which he also has. Sigh. Hopefully, it will get worked out in time to start it as planned on Monday.
The day before he’d had blood in his urine (which happens occasionally) but thought it was getting better. It was, but then came back on Wednesday. He talked to the doctor’s office and eventually, they said he should go to the ER. SIgh (at least we don’t get charged for his ER visits anymore).
Was it just the day before we’d talked to the doctor about the cancer in his liver? I can’t remember but I know yesterday I was feeling behind on my work and so, as God is my witness, I DIDN’T GO WITH HIM TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Never again, never again, never again. I learned my lesson. Just trying so hard to juggle life. We figured they would just sort of flush out the clots and give him a catheter as has happened in the past and he’d come home. That didn’t happen.
They couldn’t seem to get his urine to run clear so kept him overnight. Then I got a call in the night that they were taking him into surgery because the clots were blocking him. I didn’t know what to do. They said I could wait in the surgery waiting room but I wouldn’t be able to go with him back to his room when he was done. I spoke to the doctor and he said they were going to do a cystoscopy to try to get rid of the clots. I ended up not going and waiting. I should have gone (would have had to wake Leo and have him drive as Ernie had taken the car) because it’s not as though I slept. I had told him to text me when he could but of course he was too woozy. So I just worried all night. Not much sleep was had. At all.
The next morning he wasn’t answering his phone or his texts so obviously he was in a coma or dead. I called the nurse’s station. It was shift change so left a message. The nurse eventually called me back and said he was doing well, explained what happened, etc. Whew. Then he finally answered his phone and I got to hear his voice. He requested unbloodied underwear and a phone charger. Leo tucked Thursday’s paper in my backpack too he’d have a crossword puzzle.
I had a meeting at 9 am at Einstein’s so Leo dropped me off and afterward my boss (who was incredibly kind and later showed up with flowers and a gift card ❤️) brought me over to Carle. I gotta say, it was a long walk to his room but I made it and got there when the doctor was talking to him. I asked them (there was a big group) if they thought this was from the radiation cystitis like last time or if it was related to the bladder cancer. Of course, they don’t really know right now. They cleared out a bunch of clots and removed a lesion and cauterized it. Biopsy results pending. Somebody at some point, don’t remember who, said it could have been a small tumor that had burst. So, we shall see. I asked if this would impact his chemo and it doesn’t seem as though it will. I wrote Vasireddy’s office about it though as I don’t always trust communications between departments.
Unfortunately, they decided to keep him another day to monitor everything. I stayed there until Owen and Trinity got there. They are being VERY strict about the one visitor at a time thing. He is in the bed closest to the door so I just had a small wooden chair and I couldn’t spend too many hours on that with my back. So, although I hated to leave, I did. Trinity and I let Owen hang with Ernie a bit and then they drove me to where our car was parked as it was a ways away. Owen and Trinity were wonderful. They actually followed me home to make sure I got in the house ok because I realized I didn’t have a back door key and would have to use the front steps that have no railing. Owen didn’t have a back door key either and I’d forgotten to ask Leo. So Owen popped in the house and opened the back door for me and I got in fine. I collapsed in a chair. Then Trinity decided to sweep the front rooms and then mop the kitchen. Yes, it was that bad, and yes, she is that wonderful. Owen cleaned the catbox and played a bit of guitar. God, I love them so much.
I need to think of a name for the boys and Trinity. The ‘kids’ doesn’t seem right. Anyway, they have all been wonderful. Loving and concerned and willing to do whatever is needed. Not that I would expect otherwise but it does my heart good just the same. Leo went over and saw Ernie when he got off work. I realize I never even managed to let Ernie’s brothers know what was going on although I started to several times.
When I got home, and after Owen and Trinity (OAT?) left, I was just dazed. I hadn’t eaten dinner the night before and had eaten most of a fruit cup at Einstein’s but between not much food and no sleep and stress I was just out of it. I forced myself to get up and heat some leftover sizzling rice soup up. It was heavenly. I forgot to add the rice but mostly I was craving the broth and bits so that was fine. Thank you Peking Garden.
I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay awake until dark but I rallied. I tried to work and then watched some bad tv (add The Thing About Pam, along with Inventing Anna and Yellowjackets, to the list of series I’ve watched and wished I could take the time back), chatted with Leo when he got home and eventually made my frozen pizza that Heather had gotten from the store for me (along with the rest of my pathetic shopping list: toilet paper and wine–thank you, Heather). I forgot to set the timer but it was still damn satisfying. I actually like it the tiniest bit burnt. Don’t worry, I have real food to make for Ernie tonight!
Ernie and I made bets on when I’d fall asleep but I won because I made it to 9:30.
Ok, they just told him he’d be out in a few hours. These things always take longer than you think they will. Cross your fingers and think clear urine and fast paperwork.
Oh, and honestly, thanks for the love and support you have all given us. It means the world to us.
One more thing. Bob seems a bit put out. He came upstairs and did his morning cry several times and I ignored him (unlike Ernie who would have gotten up and fed him). I finally got up and when I went to go downstairs I saw that he had made his feelings clear.