I’ve completely lost track of days of the week. Yesterday Ernie and I kept thinking it was Friday. It was Monday however, so we trundled off to see Vasireddy. Still waiting for insurance approvals for the new chemo regime (update, Ernie just talked to Health Alliance and they’ve been approved!) so no chemo but a check on blood levels. They are coming along nicely and his kidney numbers are good. We spent a few hours in the Infusion Suite so he could get some fluids and more Zofran to hopefully hold off the nausea and vomiting. He hasn’t vomited since Sunday, so that’s an improvement. He lost more weight unfortunately. He has now lost 46 freaking pounds since the beginning of April. I got him to have a milkshake yesterday and he drank the whole thing. Did I remember to add the protein powder? Sigh. Next time, next time. Leo got him more bananas at the store last night as he’s been eating those. Last night he actually requested a frozen pizza. He managed about four bites but at least he did that. I’ve got some boneless skinless chicken breasts to poach today. Oh, and he ate toast yesterday, maybe I could get a sandwich into him. He seems to be turned off by soups and any kind of broth. Oh, good Lord, I’m rambling now, sorry.
Look, here’s the graph of weight since late last year.
We were both bloody tired when we got home. He dozed on the couch. I did a couple more thank you notes and futzed around with a grocery order. I am astounded by the amount of money we are spending on groceries of late. I don’t know how big families manage. Using InstaCart it’s really easy to see your totals and how much you’re spending each month. Yikes. Of course, I’ve also been buying lots of stuff to try out to see if I can get it into Ernie. Some times it works, some times it doesn’t so I have lots of various flavors of Boost and Ensure and random protein bars, crackers, cheese and fruit that have all been rejected.
I think we’re finally switched over to CVS from Walgreen’s and I happily deleted our Walgreen’s account. CVS seems to be going ok, although I can’t figure out a way to pay for prescriptions ahead which is nice to do when Leo is picking up for us. I won’t complain though. They don’t seem to be sporadically closing with no notice like our Walgreen’s pharmacy so I’ll take it.
We did do the wheelchair thing yesterday. Ok, I pushed him up to the waiting room. Now, don’t yell at me Diana, it’s just such a little way, I didn’t want to wait for somebody. However, after that I let nurses, techs, and Dr. Vasireddy push him. Promise!
I gotta say, even sitting in a wheelchair, I just think he looks cool. My beautiful boy.
Whenever I drink ice water I always think of Billy Joe Shaver saying, “Whoever invented this stuff sure knew what they were doing,” as he guzzled a bottle of water on stage.
I swear I had some more cohesive thoughts to put down here but they seem to have abandoned me and you are stuck with my rambling. I’m trying to give myself a break though. The last couple of days I have been exhausted. My reaction to stress? Exhaustion. My reaction to sadness? Exhaustion. I’ve taken a couple of naps the last few days and I start feeling guilty about that. I don’t know why. Last night I thought to myself that Ceal just died, I’m mourning Eileen deeply, and oh, yeah, the love of my life has two kinds of metastatic cancer, and that maybe I should just give myself a break and nap when I want to. The house will wait.