I think we were both dreading going to the Cancer Center today, hence our grumpiness with each other this morning as we were getting ready. Ernie is incredibly weak these days. We got to the Cancer Center and he got in line to check in while I perched on a chair near the elevator with my walker. I looked over at one point and was alarmed to see him bending over at the waist, but then he was up to the desk and checking in. He had to sit and rest before we got in the elevator. They called him and we went in and they got his weight. When he went to walk down the hall he had to pause, bending over again. They quickly got him a chair as he seemed like he was about to pass out. They checked his blood pressure and pulse and he was ok so they popped him into a wheelchair and wheeled him to Vasireddy’s office.

So, obviously, no chemo today. Oh, and he’s lost 20 pounds in two weeks. Vasireddy is going to talk to Pachynski at Barnes but his thought is to skip the next two rounds of chemo and go straight to surgery so we can then get back to focusing on the prostate cancer, because the scan showed it is spreading further into his bones. We went to the Infusion Suite and he got a two hour infusion of fluids/potassium. We’ll go back tomorrow for a blood transfusion.

Yet again, I must say, I love Dr. Vasireddy. And all the techs and nurses were so kind as well, one of them giving me a big hug when I needed it. It was hard being there the day after losing Ceal. When we were done, Vasireddy pushed Ernie in the wheelchair to his assigned pod in the Infusion Suite (Pod 3 damn it. Vasireddy confessed that Pod 4 is his favorite too). And when I rushed up to the desk to ask for a vomit bag, who ran and got it for me? Vasireddy. And he was wearing one of my favorite shirts of his. It’s not good when you are familiar with your oncologist’s wardrobe. Ah, life.

When we left the Cancer Center we tried me pushing the wheelchair with him holding my folded up walker. I got him to the valet parking area but it did not work well. The wheelchair zoomed along easily enough but the weight of pushing it was terrible for my back. I can do it for short treks but that’s about it.

We’re home now. He’s dozing and I am just sitting frozen in my living room, thinking about the dirty catbox, the mouse droppings I found this morning, Ceal, what the future holds and other light topics like that.


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