It’s been a long week or whatever particular unit of time you want to use. I feel as though I’ve been underwater. Yesterday was long and yet I couldn’t sleep last night. I must have turned my pillow over fifty times. Not a restful night. Lots of sad, strange dreams.

On top of everything else I developed a really strong pain going down my left leg. Normally, with the spinal stenosis pain, it lessens if I sit in a comfortable chair or lie down. Not this one. A few days later I was seeing an orthopedic PA for my knees so I figured I would ask him about it. He was very sympathetic, said it was coming from my spine and agreed nerve pain is awful. When I asked more he said, “Oh, I just do knees, you’ll have to talk to someone else.”


Yesterday we spent what felt like a million hours at the cancer center. Ernie’s platelets are still not as high as Barnes wants. We got Pod One, but it was quiet enough as we were there later than usual. It was 45 minutes before he finally got the infusion going. Then an hour for the platelets and although I know a watched bag doesn’t empty….lord it seemed to take forever. Then a flush, then wait for half an hour so they can take blood again. We got the results last night and I didn’t bother telling Ernie that it hadn’t gone up much because I knew he’d be upset. So, sure enough, they called this morning. We’ll head over again tomorrow. Crossed fingers. I hope it works, we’re supposed to head down to St. Louis on the 22nd.

I’m still grieving Peter Cooper of course. I see a picture of him and just wonder how on earth he can be gone. I’ve been thinking a lot about how you grieve everybody differently, even if it’s equally intense and painful.

I have also been looking back at our house concerts with Peter. I always say that we don’t have favorite house concerts; they’re like children, we love them all. Of course there are differences though. Concerts with Peter and Eric, and then Thomm, had a special glow about them. Some artists keep to themselves more than others. Peter and Eric just divided and conquered the room even before they started playing. Here is Eric sitting on the stairs eating dinner with Teri and her friend, Elaine.

Heather always made a special moon cake for Eric, in honor of his song Tranquility Base.

My thoughts continue to be with Peter’s family, Charlotte and Baker, as well as all the many others that loved him.

And me? Well, the Tramadol is kicking in. Ernie’s putting a few more ornaments on the tree. Listening to the Red Beet Christmas album (highly recommended).

Onward. Onward with love.

One thought on “Love and grief, house concerts and platelets

  1. That song (I Know a Bird) is so, so good. sigh. It *is* hard to wrap one’s mind around it, that he’s gone. gosh.
    Are you able to access still the video those two (plus Fats) made for yours & Ernie’s 25th anniversary? That would be so good to see…please post it, please please!!
    and ha ha can’t believe my hair was still so brown in what had to be 2012 (maybe 2013?). Thanks for sharing all these photos.

    How’s your leg?
    Here’s hoping Ernie’s platelet count responds! fingers crossed! See you soon.